We get asked a lot of questions about relationships over here at myphilippinedreams. In fact, that and “how much does it cost to live in the Philippines” seem to be the two biggest inquiries to the tireless (trackless) minds of the Dream Team. We’ve done a few videos on relationships already (videos are noted below), and in this entry, we are going to take a look at some of the ways in which courtship rituals have changed over time and how – in many cases – they have stayed the same.
As with many things in the Philippines, family plays a key role in the courtship process. Decades ago – as in today – a Filipino wasn’t just marrying a Filipina – he was basically marrying into the entire family. Thus, the first hurdle a potential suitor had to face was wooing the family in order to win the hand of their daughter. There are some popular bisaya sayings for this (which Michell notes in the video) such as “I will chop the wood – I will carry the water,” and basically by saying (and doing) these things, the suitor was showing that he was industrious and serious in his intentions. Something that was also considered was the social class of the suitor. Families usually wanted “something better” for their daughters, so it was important that the suitor was at least of the same class or – more preferably – higher, for in marrying their daughter, the entire family would receive a boost to their own class level. This continues in this day as foreigners (and Filipino-Americans) are perceived as being of a “higher class,” and this is one of the reasons why expats are sometimes seen as “good catches” by Filipinas and their families. Paralleling this is the earnings/holdings of the suitor, which in days gone past was factored through land assets, number of livestock, agrarian output and the like. Nowadays, this is determined more through job titles (doctor, lawyer, etc.) or foreign remittances (pensions, OFW earnings, and the like).
Decades ago, once the suitor won the family’s permission to woo their daughter (and he didn’t and went ahead anyways, he might find himself in a bit of trouble…), he would knuckle down and let loose with the full romantic arsenal that he had at his disposal. Love letters were written in flowing hand espousing his love and commitment. Flowers were gathered and arranged and left at her home. Or – when pulling out the heavy guns – he would grab his guitarra and serenade her from outside her home (called “harana”) as dusk fell and the smell of tropical flowers filled the air. Today, love letters have been superseded by email, Yahoo Messenger, texting and Skype, and even though the technologies have changed, the conveyance of the intention or the regard has stayed the same. Flowers also still factor into the equation, but nowadays it’s lot easier to pick up ready-made arrangements from the market or have them delivered by a local florist. As for “harana/serenade,” perhaps we can look to the proliferation of romantic Tagalog love songs in videoake parlors as a continuation of that custom.
A bigger difference between the courtship process of the past and the way it is persued nowadays is in the SPEED in which in can take place. And although technology has played a key role in this, the urbanization of city areas might also have something to do with it, for in a city, everything tends to speed up. Still, though, and even in the passing of the decades, Filipinas (and their families) are still looking for the same thing: A dependable, hard working and committed man that will make their daughter’s life better.
I mention in the video a particular book written by the British author Paul T. Gilbert. He graduated Oxford back in 1900 and spent five years teaching in Mindanao. His book – The Great White Tribe in Filipinia – is an EXCELLENT read and you can get a free ebook version of it over at Project Gutenberg. Just Google it.
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