Relationships: Part Three

NOTE: This is the free online version of my book Chasing Your Philippine Dream: An Expat’s Guide to the Philippines.  This voluminous tome has been (inconsistently) updated over the last 13 years and can be purchased either through the Amazon Kindle store (more expensive option) or directly from our site via Surecart.  All things considered, I’d go with buying the less expensive digital version off of Surecart.  It’s the exact same book, and I don’t think that Jeff Bezos needs any more money.

And in case you are wondering why I am publishing the chapters out of order, it’s simply because I want you to buy the actual book.    I gots a family to feed!

 

Chap 7: Relationships Part Three

THE MYTHIC ALLURE OF WESTERNERS IN THE PHILIPPINES

One of the upsides of living in the Philippines is the ease in which a foreigner can enter into a relationship with a lovely Filipina.  It would also be safe to say that many of the Filipinas a foreigner will meet would be “out of their league” back in the West.  There is certainly a lot of truth to this.  I mean, even with my own relationship, I am under no delusions as this simple truism.  Ever taken a good look at me?  Bald, big nose, notable lack of abdominal muscles? If yours truly had stayed in the West, I seriously doubt that would be married to drop-dead gorgeous woman who is also college educated, sweet and pretty much amazing in every detail.  Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t hurting for pretty women; but not at the level you will find in the Philippines.

So, this begs the question:  Why is it so easy for older foreigners to be in relationships with younger, stunningly beautiful Filipinas?

In moving to an answer to that question, we’ll take a look at what I like to call (trumpet fanfare) “The Mythic Allure of Westerners in the Philippines.” And in doing so, we’re  going to do our very best to separate fact from fiction.

Before we begin, please note that we are generalizing here – all relationships are unique, and there are a number of factors in play that contribute to why people are together.  Additionally, not all of them are completely true; some are just rationalizations I have heard from other foreigners to justify the presence of their pretty girlfriend or wife.  That’s my disclaimer.  So, try not to get ruffled feathers if you take exception to some of this.

1. 

With that noted, let’s get into some of the reasons behind the mythic allure of Westerners in the Philippines.

1. ‘Westerners Have Money:’  This is the biggie, and the one we are going to spend the most time on.Outside of Arrested Devolpment, I am not a huge fan of Liza Minnelli.  She did hit the nail on the head when she sang,  That clinking, clanking sound, money makes the world go around.  I think most people would agree that having money is important, not only to support ourselves but also to support others, whether they be friends, family or – gasp – a future wife and children.  In fact, money is always going to be an integral part of any relationship.  In maintaining security and stability, you’ve got to have money.  Unfortunately, in the Philippines (and many other developing nations across the globe) for the vast majority of Filipinos money is in short supply. I have often heard Filipinos say in passing that many of them are not even living – they are just surviving.  In fact, the local outlet, inquirer.net, conducted a poll in January of 2025 in which 63% of the population described themselves as being poor and having survival issues.  If you’ve never seen or experienced it, extreme poverty and the abject desperation that it creates is difficult to appreciate.  Compared to the average Filipino, foreigners coming into the country are seen as wealthy – regardless of whether they actually are.  In fact, most of the foreigners I have rubbed elbows with over the years would be considered poor/lower class in their home nations.  Many are coming to the Philippines in order to squeeze the most they can out of their limited Social Security or pension programs.  These foreigners wouldn’t consider themselves wealthy by any means, but in the eyes of the poor, they indubitably are.

Building on this assumption of wealth (and rumors of “money trees” growing in the West), you might hear Filipinos or Filipinas referring to foreigners in the Philippines as UPS’s (Unlimited Peso Supply) or ATM’s (Automated Tubig Machine).  Other terms that get bandied around are OWM, which stand for Old Western Men, Old Wrinkly Men or Old Wealthy Men.  These everyday acronyms should give some indication of the differences between reality and perception when it comes to foreigners in the Philippines.  The reality of each individual Westerner who comes to the Philippines to live, work or study and his or her respective financial means (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with the actual perception of limitless wealth that most Filipinos and Filipinas seem to have in regards to the foreign population.

Money represents the ability to maintain some level of stability and security, something that is oftentimes not a luxury to be found in many poorer nations where folks are usually more concerned about where they are getting their next meal. And since foreigners do tend to have more money and/or income than their respective Philippine counterparts, we can never overlook the fact that money is always a part of the equation – more so than is in Western nations due to the levels of poverty that is exist in the Philippines.

With that in mind, be aware that in some cases, a prospective Filipina will be expecting some assistance when it comes to her family.  I won’t say all cases, but it happens  often enough to make note of.  The pressures placed on young women (especially the oldest daughter in the family) can sometimes be quite severe, and securing a foreign boyfriend or husband can be just as lucrative as sending children to work overseas as OFWs (Overseas Filipino Workers) and subsisting off of their remittances.

Another common acronym that is used in the Philippines in reference to obtaining a rich foreign boyfriend or husband is matandang, mayamang ug magdaling mamatay or “4M” – Matandang (Old), Mayamang(Rich) Madaling Mamatay (Someone who is about to die).  Yeah, that’s actually a thing here.

So, when it comes to the “mythic allure of Westerners” in the Philippines, one has to always keep money in mind.  And when it comes to a foreigner justifying or why that beautiful young Filipina is by his side, not only is he being surprisingly objective, but he’s also simply being honest.

 

PERSONAL NOTE
I really don’t think that my significantly better half is with me because of my money – and I don’t think this is a case of “She’s Different Syndrome.”   I am not dumb enough to think that if I was dirt poor and had no resources or prospects for a better life for myself (and our children) that she wouldn’t be rethinking the idea of being with me, but I don’t think it’s the only reason.  How do I know this, you might ask?  Well, it’s pretty simple – I have never given her an allowance like a lot of other expats do, and I expect her to pay a percentage into our bills when she is working.  I also live a pretty simple lifestyle and am pretty frugal in my spending.  With those three things in mind – and with her looks, intelligence and charm – she wouldn’t have had a difficult time finding a much wealthier foreigner who would give her a substantial allowance and shower her with new clothes and gadgets on a daily basis.

1. 

Now, let us take a look at some other reasons why Westerners are so “alluring.”

2. ‘That ‘Beautiful White Skin’: Even for Old Wrinkly Men like me, the simple color (or lack thereof) of one’s skin is often used as a rationalization for the ‘mythic allure of Westerners in the Philippines.’  And in talking to a number of Filipinas, there seems to be some truth to this.  As in many other areas of Southeast Asia, white skin is a held in high regard by Filipinos.  One doesn’t have to look far for the reasons for this – lighter skin has historically been associated with the wealthy upper class, while darker skin was reserved for the poorer classes who labored for hours under the sun.  Add to this the lighter-skinned Filipinos of Spanish descent who were once the apex of the social hierarchy versus the darker-skinned Malay population who were usually the field workers and one starts to see some of the reasons for a fixation on whitening products, parasols and sunscreen.  This obsession with white skin is reinforced daily by the light-skinned newscasters, entertainers, celebrities and high-level beauty pageant winners who look more like brunette Westerners than true representatives of the darker Philippine population.   As a result, white foreigners of the Caucasian persuasion are seen as an efficacious means of having offspring with “beautiful” light-colored skin.  As I stated during one of my videos, white westerners are sometimes seen as “breeding stock.”  But as one subscriber noted, there are probably worse fates in life.

UPDATE:  As of 2026, Chichay and I have had two daughters.  Both of them have my very white skin and only the oldest has any indication of ‘Asian eyes’ (epicanthic fold).  Thankfully, they both look a lot more like my wife and share her pleasant personality.

3. ‘Westerners are more faithful:’: You’ll hear this one bandied about by those seeking to justify why Filipinas prefer their company to that of the native Pinoy. I have some serious reservations about this one, but having talked to numerous Westerners and Pinay, I can’t really come up with a definitive conclusion.  With that said, I have my doubts.  Westerners (and some Filipinas) will claim that ‘we’ are more faithful and loyal while young Pinoy are chickboys and players and more concerned with iring-iring (affairs) than staying in committed relationships.  Again though, I don’t have the answer to this (and would take anyone else’s definitive answer with a grain of salt).  I mean, for every Filipino chickboy, you have more than a few Western passport bros washing up on the shore. But as a lovely Pinay noted at the gym one day, it pretty much has to do with the individual in question.  Thanks, lovely Pinay (you know who you are) for simplifying what had become a most vexatious question for me.
4. “Filipinas want our wisdom and guidance”: I can’t help but giggle at this one even as I type it out.  The vast majority of the guys that I have talked to who are either married to a Pinay or in a long-term relationship with won’t hesitate to tell you that this is absolute nonsense and only goes to perpetuate the myth of the submissive Filipina.  I’ll even go as far as to counter that premise with this:  Filipinos and Filipinas are incredibly stubborn and slow to change their ways.  A quick and easy way to do this is to buy a washer and dryer and see how much use they actually get (beyond being used as a stand for dirty laundry).  You’ll also hear foreigners extend this myth to the level of Filipinas wanting to be trained under our wise and learned tutelage.  Yeah, good luck with that one, brother.  (Henry over at the Life Beyond the Sea YouTube channel is 100% guilty of perpetuating this misguided notion.)
5. ‘Westerners are taller and bigger’: A return with the “breeding stock” theme.  I actually think there is some truth to this one as height is another quality that is prized in Filipino culture.  You can see evidence of this in the number of “heightening” products that are touted in the country – usually in the form of pills.  (Some even come with ‘US FDA approval,’ complete with a phony FDA certificate.) Another example is Filipino children being told to hop up and down at the midnight turn of the New Year in order to get taller.   Add the chance of lighter eye and hair color (and a more ‘pointed’ than ‘dis-appointed’ nose) and you can once again see why genetics actually add credence to the mythic allure of foreigners in the Philippines.
6. ‘Westerners are more stable and secure:’ With planeloads of foreigners arriving daily with fat pensions and retirement accounts, money again enters the equation. But more than just money, some Westerners will go on to say that Filipinas prefer their company over that of the Pinoy as a result of foreigners being more grounded (stable) and productive. Usually by this point, the foreigner will start up with the “listless and lazy” Kipling descriptor of the lackadaisical istambay (bum) Filipinos who like to drink tuba coconut wine and around all day.  From there, it can get pretty ugly, and just goes to show that some foreigners will go to any length to rationalize why these pretty Pinays on their arms. This is especially true of my fellow countrymen who have bought into the tongue-in-cheek bootstrap American exceptionalism thing.  Ugh.
7. ‘Westerners are a social upgrade’: Citing the historical importance of social class in the Philippines, you might occasionally hear a Westerner say that his personal Filipina is probably with him because he comes from a ‘higher class;’ and by being with him, not only is the Filipina’s class level elevated, but so is that of her entire family who can now brag of having a foreigner in their clan. Considering the number of Filipinos who actually look down upon us wrinkly foreigners with their lovely young Filipinas, I can’t fully credit this one with a whole lot of substantive value. But hey, Your Mileage Might Vary.

So, there we have it – seven factors that contribute to the vaunted “Mythic Allure of the Westerner in the Philippines.  Please keep in mind that these are all just rationalizations that WE as foreigner use to explain why Filipinas are attracted to us and not actual concrete facts as to why they actually are.  Ultimately, every individual’s situation is different and oftentimes there are a number of factors at play.

Sometimes there’s even love.

1. 

BEAUTY IN THE PHILIPPINES

As previously noted, Filipinos are some pretty damn fine-looking folks – from exotic Pinays with long brown legs and long silky hair to smoldering Pinoys with equally luxurious locks and bedroom eyes.  And to say that foreigners come to the Philippines solely for mango floats and sunny skies would do a disservice to the real reason – pretty Pinays!

(That is our latest copyrighted slogan, by the way: ‘Sunny skies and pretty Pinays.’

SUGAR AND SPICE
As previously mentioned, Filipinas are a delectable medley of Malay, Chinese, Spanish and any other number of ethnicities all thrown into a delicate little blender and given a good mix.  Without a doubt (and despite my rather obvious bias), they are truly some of the most beautiful women in the world having walked away with a number of international pageants (the most recent being Miss Universe in 2015 and 2018).  But they’re just not lookers – they also just happen to be some of the nicest and down-to-earth people populating the planet: For those who are lucky enough to have Filipinas in their immediate social circle, you’ll be able to relate to how compassionate and truly caring they can be – sometimes to a level that is humbling.

1. 

COLONIAL MENTALITY
When talking about beauty in the Philippines, we first have to take a quick look at colonial mentality.  One of the biggest pieces of baggage modern Filipinos carry around with them is the idea that everything from outside the Philippines is better than those found natively in the Philippines.  This colonial mentality has also pervaded the collective consciousness here when it comes the concept of beauty.  The Spanish and American occupations in particular have contributed to the belief that whiter skin and longer noses are ‘more beautiful’ than the native darker skin and flatter noses.  This has always struck me as odd – but maybe that is just a reflection of my preference for darker, more ‘exotic’ women.

WHITE IS RIGHT
More than anywhere else in the world, the Philippines showcases just how subjective good lucks can be – proving that beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.  While foreigners might be beguiled by their lovely peanut-butter brown skin, most Pinays consider darker skin to be less attractive than lighter colored skin.  The quest for whiter skin takes all shapes and forms: From parasols when strolling down the street to wearing hooded sweatshirts on scooters to ingesting (or even injecting) glutathione skin whitening pills to using skin whitening creams and deodorants, the obsession with white skin in the Philippines is ubiquitous.  The irony is that in my eyes (and many other foreigners’ eyes), ‘white’ Filipinas actually look a bit sickly and ill. And since most of them don’t shave their legs (the hair is so fine as to be invisible against darker skin), ‘white’ Filipinas also tend to sport rather hairy appendages.  Not a good look,but again, beauty is subjective.  They themselves probably think they look just fine.  And going by many Pinoy Reddit posts, when describing their significant others, they can’t help but mention that she is ‘pretty and light skinned.’  Meh.

NOSES LIKE HOSES
Filipinas also aren’t too thrilled about what they consider to be their ‘unattractive’ flat noses, preferring instead to have longer, more prominent proboscises of Westerners.  Another carryover from the Spanish and American occupations (and an additional example of colonial mentality), Filipinas will even go as far as to angle their heads forward or back while taking selfies in order to make their noses look less flat. Many wealthier Pinay (and Pinoy) will even go so far as have their noses surgically modified in order to appear ‘more’ attractive.  The wife and I actually know one wealthy Pinay who has gotten her nose done in addition to her breasts and butt.  Having spent all of that money, she now simply looks like a Filipina who has spent too much time at her plastic surgeon.  But as long as she’s happy, it’s all good.

THIN ISN’T IN
Body size is also part of the equation of what is beautiful or not in the Philippines.  As with nose shape, larger and curvier is preferred over thinner and flatter.  And since most Filipinas are naturally slender, meeting these standards of beauty are usually met through padded undergarments.  Padded bras are far more prevalent than padded shorts, and even if a Filipina has some natural assets upstairs, she will still usually wear a padded bra just to make herself seem a bit larger.  For examples of this “bigger is better” approach, one only has to look to Filipina entertainment celebrities – the vast majority of them are possessed of rather aggressive curves.  The crowning of the 2015 Filipina Miss Universe (Pia Alonzo Wurzbach) is also a great example of a focus on larger, Western-type hips and breasts.

DRESSED FOR SUCCESS
Filipinos and Filipinas are snazzy dressers.  Even if dirt poor, they will always put in the time and effort to look good.  Thankfully, the island republic is replete with inexpensive bootleg designer clothing and cheap cosmetics from China.  Unlike more roughly attired foreigners (shorts and t-shirts or tank tops), Filipinos and Filipinas are typically about wearing nice blouses, collared shirts and jeans. Even with an average daytime Real Feel temperature of 100 F/37 C, younger Pinoy will often be dressed to the nines.   In their eyes, perspiration is the price that has to be paid for fashion.

1. 

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING…
While celebrating the natural beauty of the Philippine people, we would be remiss in not mentioning some of the downsides.  Filipinas look good and they know it.  Makati was the selfie capital of the entire world in 2014, and you will constantly see Filipinas snapping photos of themselves in just about any conceivable situation.   This tendency toward self-obsession isn’t only limited to the pretty women, however – the guys are also in on the action.  A study conducted around Asia in 2006 noted that Filipino men tended to think of themselves two times as sexually attractive as other men in Asian countries considered themselves.  You will also see a lot more Filipino men (mostly younger) exhibiting characteristics of western metrosexuals: more attention to their hair and clothing, the use of light makeup and their side view scooter mirrors being angled inwards so that they check their appearance at every intersection.  This tendency toward self-obsession will be addressed again later in the ‘Dark Triad’ section.

IT’S ALL GOOD
Subjective beauty in the Philippines is another example of how cultural differences play out in daily life between the East and West.  Everyone around the world has different concepts of what defines beauty, and they can vary greatly from place to place.  Understanding the historical reasons for why things how they are is just another piece of the puzzle that is the Philippines.

Or – if you don’t want to think too deeply about it – just appreciate the beauty around you and be thankful.  And if you are of the Caucasian persuasion, you can finally be grateful for your pasty white skin and oversized nose.

Who would have ever thought such things were attractive?

++ So that’s it for this installment. If you are looking for a more concise/less fragmented version, buy the complete ebook for (a wopping) $6.95 by clicking HERE.  Note that it is in epub format, so you will need an appropriate e-reader app (or Kindle) to read it.  ++

 

1.