This content was inspired by a snippet sent to me from another vlogger’s Livestream. You can see the actual excerpt here:
Aside from the size of my vaunted ego, the mysterious chipmunk (GogoBobo) actually makes a good point: Are young, attractive Filipinas actually attracted to chubby and bald (late) middle-aged foreigners or are they just looking for stability? And with that, my fellow dreamers, let’s take a quick dip into the world Behind the Looking Glass…
CREEPOS AND GOLD DIGGERS
After you’ve been in the Philippines for a while – or simply researching the subject – you are invariably going to come across a few topics that are rather “hot” in the expat community. The first has to do with “age appropriate” relationships and the second has to do with Filipina “scammers, gold diggers and hustlers.” So whether you are a crusading moral entrepreneur whose stomach rolls over every time he sees a decrepit foreigner with a wife or girlfriend young enough to be his daughter (or granddaughter) or someone that has simply concluded that every Filipina is out to separate foreigners from their hard-earned cash, the two topics always make for heated discussions. The arguments can get so nasty, in fact, that some forums and social media pages simply ban them from conversation. Since I am married to a Filipina young enough to be my daughter, I will err on the side of caution at this point and simply seek to address the second topic: That is, are all Filipinas real gold digging hustlers. Or, to move it in a more positive and telling direction, do Filipinas really love the foreigners they are with.
Before moving on, keep in mind that A) I am not a relationship expert and B) love can’t be objectively quantified on any type of scale, and C) the views here are simply my opinion.
WHAT FILIPINAS WANT
I have noted this before, but it is worth repeating. Most Filipinas simply want to meet someone nice, fall in love, get married and have kids/raise a family.
Now, with that said, some personal background.
In my six and a half fun-filled years in the Philippines I have had three serious relationships with three wonderful Filipinas. Of those three, there is NO doubt in my mind that at least two of those women really loved me. (As for the third, well, the jury is still out on that one, and at this point it seems like it might just come back as a mistrial.) Again, I have zero doubt that the feelings of those two ladies were genuine.
Now, you might be asking yourself “Self, how can Ned be so sure of this, so absolutely convinced in the belief that these women really loved him?” It’s a fair enough question, and one that I will now seek to answer, as half-baked as any rational responses to an emotional state can be.
There are all kinds of articles, books and documentaries on the matter of love. Veritable boatloads of it. Relationships drive the social animal that is homo sapiens and one can quickly become overwhelmed with the amount of subject content that there is floating around out there (some of it spinning about like turds in a toilet bowl – a la MGTOW and Pickup Artists). So, in order to keep this as simple as possible, I am going to narrow it down to only three indicators to let you know if the partner you are with (in our case, Filipinas) really do love us or not.
Also keep in mind that I am applying a great deal of hindsight to this – looking back over the relationships that I have had in the Philippines – the months or years that I have spent with each woman. I would think (or at least hope) that this has provided me a more objective perspective of what was and wasn’t real.
But enough of that. Let’s get down into the Telling Triad.
As we all know (or have heard), trust is pretty much the foundation of any true relationship. Without trust, you can’t really love someone. You can be infatuated or obsessed, but you can’t really be in love. (And that’s coming from personal experience, as I have been guilty of that as well.) Trust is the proverbial keystone to any type of relationship and without it, the relationship will wither like sad groinal grapes on the vine. Filpinas are notorious about trust issues, especially when it comes to foreigners. (And oftentimes with damn good reason – durn chickboys!). Many relationships with Filipinas will start with a good amount of jealousy and insecurity, both of which don’t do much in the way of developing trust. Over time, however, and as she comes to trust you (through your actions) and you, her, only then can a romantic relationship can move on into real love. So, if she trusts you and you trust her, that’s a great indicator that the love is real. If not, and she is constantly looking through your phone for secret Date in Asia accounts and Facebook messages, that’s not a good sign. Keep in mind that this also applies to guys – if you are searching her phone and tracking her whereabouts all the time, that’s probably not really love (oy, mea culpa). Also be advised that lack of trust from your Filipina partner can also arise through her own nefarious projection – she might be suspicious of your infidelity because it is something that she is doing herself.
When two people are in love, they pretty much become each other’s priority. They are crazy about each other and will pretty much do whatever it takes to spend time together. There is no hesitation or second thoughts (or guessing) involved in this process. It simply is. Given time, the relationship – and where it is going – becomes the main priority. The majority of her time won’t be spent hanging out with friends, partying or hitting the clubs – it will be with you. Again, gauging whether or not you are a priority is something that will be seen through her actions, not words. This priority piece is a pretty good indicator of how someone feels about you as it isn’t too difficult to quantize, and if she is making excuses or proffering the occasional white lie (see Trust, above), you probably aren’t the priority.
But Ned, what about her family always being the #1 Priority? Family is #1 in the Philippines, and tends to rank higher than God and Country. That goes for her family and (hopefully) the family that you are creating together. Her folks will always be a major part of her life, but if it becomes a case of you simply being a monetary lifeline for her family, you probably aren’t the real priority.
Now that we’ve gotten trust and priority bewsit out of the way, let’s talk about the last (and juiciest) bit of Ned’s “Does she really love me” triad – intimacy. Being quasi or full-on cavemen, most guys will generally think this just has to do with sex, but it actually goes a wee bit deeper than that. If your gal is constantly hanging on you, holding your hand, pressing against, grabbing you, initiating the dirty deed and generally hovering about like a DJI Mavic Pro, she is most likely in love with you. I mean think about it: If it was you as the ‘young Filipina’ looking to run a ‘long-con’ love scam on a wrinkly gal twice your age, would you be able to constantly initiate intimacy on any level? I mean, like for years? I think not.
THE CHIPMUNK IS RIGHT
Now, as for GogoBogo noting that Filipinas are looking for stability, that rabid little rodent is on point. Filipinas are looking for stability. Indeed, this ‘stability’ is what all women around the world are looking for when it comes to marriage and family – They need a good provider to bring home the meat and fight for them tooth and nail. As noted above, good Filipinas are pretty much looking for two things: Marriage and a family. And to achieve those two goals, they need stability of all kinds. Foreigners will often see this as just financial stability but as most of us know, it is includes personal and emotional stability and everything in between.
The bottom line is this: How someone treats you and your relationship through their actions is a hell of a lot more important than what they say. Pay attention to how you are treated rather than what your partner says. They might be saying they love you but behaviors don’t lie. Filipinas are notoriously quick to say “I love you,” but those are only words. It’s the intimacy, prioritization and eventual trust that actually proves it.
For those happily in relationships with or married to wonderful Filipinas, you’ll most likely agree with at least some of this. For those who don’t, feel free to leave your comments below.
And until next time, puppies, rainbows and unicorns for all!