I get a good amount of communications – usually in the form of private messages – from fellow expats whose relationships here are either A) failing or B) totally and irrevocably in the proverbial shitter. The emotions conveyed through these missives are usually a heady mix of anger, resentment and – oftentimes – utter bewilderment. Usually along the way, a house has been lost, their kids have been “taken” or “their” Philippines business has been usurped.
So, in this article we are going to be examining some of the reasons that relationships fail in the Philippines. And being a socio-progressive libtard, I am going to be breaking down the blame on both sides of the gender aisle.
And speaking of socio-progressive libtards and gender….
DISCLAIMER: I will be using “he” when it comes to the foreign partner and “she” in regards to the Filipina partner. The male foreigner/ Filipina partner matchup is still the most prevalent relationship in the Philippines, but feel free to switch around gender identifiers however they may apply: Male Filipino/female foreigner, male Filipino/male foreigner, Filipina ladyboy/male foreigner, etc. etc.. In this day and age, the possibilities are (nearly) endless!
It’s the Guy’s Fault
We’re first going to look at the foreign guy’s role in failed local relationships. (We’ll save the lady’s role in it for the next installment.) Before going on, I just have to point something out: Nearly all of the messages I receive on this topic are from guys who initially stated that the fault was all on her side and had nothing to do with him. Only after further inquiries (I don’t even bother anymore) did the (expected) rest of the story slowly emerge – the cheating, the drinking, the neglect…
But enough all-too-common refusal to take responsibility for one’s own actions. Let’s get to the good stuff.
I A Very Bad Place to be an Alcoholic
The number one problem in relationships when it comes to foreigners is their propensity to drink. A lot. As in starting at noon and not letting off the gas until it’s time to collapse into bed (or a convenient sidewalk). No one wants to be in a relationship with a drunk or addict, and we’re not even going to bother going through all the reasons: They are – or should be – fairly self-evident. Along with the drinking comes neglect (at the least) and/or eventual abuse in either of its physical, verbal or emotional permutations. Things get bad, steadily progress to worse and finally the Filpina has no choice but to show their dysfunctional foreign partner to the door.
It’s even worse with drugs. Shabu (methamphetamine) is the drug of choice in the Philippines and makes a drinking problem pale by comparison. And yes, there are foreigners who pick up that nasty habit Philippines and soon reap the sorry rewards.
The final vice that can quickly derail a relationship in the Philippines is a rampant sex addiction. As with being an alcoholic or drug addict, being a sex addict is very dangerous in the Philippines. Which brings us to the next reason why relationships fail….
II The Man-Child in the Candy Store
The Philippines is chock full of beautiful young women willing to give even a wrinkly bald has-been of a foreigner another look. Attention like that from pretty women isn’t something that many guys are used to and – to be quite honest – it’s pretty damn distracting. Therefore, the second most common reason that relationships fail in the Philippines is because foreign men become overly beguiled by the ego-boost of all that attention and steadily (or abruptly) forget that they are already in a committed relationship. It’s all fun for a while, I’m sure – right up to the point that your wife or girlfriend pops open the door, armed only with a machete and a murderous look.
III Disrespecting Women
Foreign guys have an unfortunate tendency to camouflage this relational fail under the guise of “traditional values.” Here, they expect their women to cater to their every desire, jingling their glasses for ice, hollering out cooking orders and letting them know in no uncertain terms when it is time to fall to their knees. And if they have the unfortunate tendency to shirk these duties, there is usually hell to pay. It’s so prevalent hereabouts, that guys aren’t even ashamed to publically vent their ire on their Filipina partner – actions that in America would be met with anger and disdain (if not a punch in the face) from lookers on. This is one of the reasons why I do an involuntary eye roll/ face palm whenever I hear a foreigner say that they want to come to the Philippines to find a submissive and meek Filipina that aligns with their rational, conservative world-view. This is usually followed with that whole “Western women are too independent and demanding” thing (read: They won’t put up with me drinking or playing around with other women). At this point in the “conversation,”, I usually don’t even try to continue the topic– I simply shrug my shoulders and give them a non-committal “Uh-huh.”
And since we’ve brought up commitment……
IV Don’t Invest in the Relationship
Many guys coming to the Philippines for those aforementioned “meek and subservient traditional” Filipinas have already been through a rocky divorce. A good number of that crowd can boast of having more than one. Some even go so far as to declare themselves members of MGTOW (‘mig-taw’ Men Going Their Own Way) who have sworn off marriage, having kids or even long-term committed relationships and have sworn to fight tooth and nail against the global commitment agenda of those accursed Femi-Nazis. As such and considering their background, these guys are going to have some quantifiable aversion to relational commitment.
Why give yourself to just one – they reason – when there are so many to choose from. And in the Philippines, they are right. The only problem with this line of reasoning is that finding a pretty Filipina is easy. What is far more difficult is finding a Filipina that you can have an in-depth conversation with and that appreciates the finer aspects of subtly, irony and sarcasm – qualities that are uncommon here due to the language and cultural differences. (It’s not that they’re stupid, it’s just that English is not their first language and most Filipino comedy is based on slapstick).
OK, so those – in my humble opinion – are the four main reasons why relationships tend to fail in the Philippines due to some failing or another on the foreign male’s part: His addiction issues, disrespectful nature, commitment-issues or simple inability to keep his dick in his pants. In the next part of the article, we’ll be looking at some of the reasons relationships fail here to issues with their Filipina partner. It takes two to tango, after all, and what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
So, the next time a despondent foreigner sidles up next you at the barangay bar and starts to regale you with how “his” Filipina ripped him off, give your best empathetic nod and then subtly ask him about his role in the whole disaster.