In the first part of our blog/video, we looked at some of the social and historical factors that contribute to the Philippines’ exaggerated sense of jealousy. It’s important that we look at these reasons so we can understand the context in which they are occurring. In this final part of the blog (and video), we will be looking at some of the behaviors that arise out of these feelings. And like I said, some of them are pretty extreme.
Jealousy Fueled Behaviors
Your Life is Not Your Own: The US National Security Agency really missed an excellent opportunity by not outsourcing electronic intelligence collection to the Philippines. When it comes to keeping tabs on your each and every move, don’t be surprised to find out that your once private phone texts, email, Skype, and Facebook accounts have suddenly become open source. Although not unheard of in the West, this is pretty much standard operating procedure in the Philippines. It’s shocking the first time it happens and pretty much grounds for instant separation. By about the twentieth or thirtieth time (with as many woman), you might start to notice a general pattern forming and resign yourself to the matter. So, in short, don’t be surprised to find them going through your texts, Facebook, Twitter, emails, and whatever other source of electronic communication you might possess. I know this is true because Edward Snowden told me! 😉
Watch Where You’re Watching: She knows what you are looking at. Even if you are different rooms, she will know. If you’re out with a group and another woman gets up from the table, you better be looking right into the eyes of your significant other as the other woman sashays away. Oh, and just try using the “Honey, it’s simply an involuntary reaction…..” Yeah, good luck with that one, homes.
Set Your Phone to Vibrate: Every incoming phone call or text is seen as a potential threat. Even after you have been together for a while, she will still raise her eyebrows whenever a notification sounds from your phone. (Watch those eyebrows, brother!) Even as more time passes she might say with an apparently easy smile, “Oh, another girlfriend texting you.” Don’t be fooled – she’s not really smiling…… 😉
The Eyes are Upon You: Once you get to the Philippines, you will soon realize that every Filipino personally knows about six billion other Filipinos. And we’re not just talking “Facebook friends” here. OK, OK – six billion is an exaggeration. But it’s close. Due to the extended family/clan system they have here, Filipinos tend to know a whole lot more people than the typical westerner. And since Filipino families are less transient than those in the West, their family and clan roots run far and wide into the local community. Even in a city the size of Dumaguete (130,000 full time/430,000 day time population), it’s shocking how many Filipinos know each other. So, don’t be surprised if your each and every move is being watched. Not to sound paranoid, but that’s just the way it is. Add this to their tendency to “chismis,” and some bad things can come out of it. Be warned!! 🙂
So, now that we’ve talked over some of the behaviors and possess a modicum of understanding of what causes it, what the heck do we do if our partner’s jealousy keeps sticking it’s ugly head in our relationship? Well, I try to keep things simple. I am not a big fan of issuing ultimatums and drawing lines in the sand when it comes to relationships (they are much too complex to try to simply them that way) so I looked at it like this: I had a feeling that Michell was a really good person. I had been chatting with her every day for over a year and she possessed many qualities that I really admired. I also knew that I wanted a long term relationship – something significant. My “chickboy” years were well behind me and I wanted something more substantive. So, when the jealousy things came up, I battened down the hatches, weathered out the storm, and kept on keeping on, steady on the course. I wasn’t a doormat, and I did issue an ultimatum once, but I also knew that I really liked this woman, and I wasn’t going to let something as irrational as jealousy get in the way of it. We talked, we compromised, and over time the behaviors tapered off. Is jealousy a non-issue now? Is it really all puppies and rainbows at the Pink House? Hell, no. It still pops up, but at this point in our relationship, we are able to talk about it, share a laugh, and move on.
So, that’s about it. I know some folks are going to be all over the place in regards to this one, but I am simply reporting things as I see them. What are your experiences? What’s worked for you? What hasn’t?